Here it is just in time to celebrate the anniversary of the creation of the Mads on Mobius continuity; the last story IN the continuity. So without fur- oh, wait; previous MSTings in said continuity should be listed for those new to it. Tricks of the Trade Orcium Seeing Stars Vixen in the Labyrinth / Holloween [sic] Spirits It even inspired others for their own host segments: Blood and Metal: MSTied by Shay Caron Merry Christmas: MSTied by Cedric Henry The T-Bone Saga: MSTied by Michael Reid That's all I gotta say `bout that. [Season 8 theme] [Safe...2...3...4...5...6...klunk-shunk] [Mike, Tom, and Crow surround the desk reading various books. This goes on for a few seconds before Mike looks up.] MIKE: Ah, hi there; welcome to our neighborhood. No off-the-wall sketch for today. We just need our own quiet time. We can't be entertaining all the time. TOM: And anyone who's watched us on KTMA knows that. CROW: Hey! MIKE: So we're just catching some slight R&R and such. Nothing's gonna happen here. CROW: Nope. TOM: Not one bit. MIKE: Not at all. CROW: Won't happen. TOM: Might as well get a snack. MIKE: Talk with your loved one. CROW: That is if you've spent enough time away from your computer and TV to *get* a loved one. TOM: Absolutely. MIKE: So nothing interesting will happen here. CROW: Nuh-uh. TOM: You couldn't find less happening. MIKE: Correct. CROW: In fact, this is all just some dumb gag that's being used to pad out this prologue. TOM: Yeppers. MIKE: We'll just agree that nothing will happen. CROW: And nothing *will* happen. TOM: No. MIKE: If, by any slim chance, you *do* see something interesting happen here please notify us. CROW: Or get some professional help. TOM: Not necessarily in that order. MIKE: Nope. CROW: Nope. TOM: Nope. [All pause and look at each other for a moment, then return to their reading. Reading goes on for a minute or so before Commercial Sign flashes. Mike taps it without looking up.] [Commercials] [SOL bridge. Mike and the `bots are a wreck.] MIKE: Aw, man! I can't *believe* that happened! TOM: Tell me about it! I *still* smell like Toilet Duck. CROW: Let us all hope and pray that a thing like that will never happen again. MIKE: Amen. CROW: To think that could happen here! Of all places! TOM: During a commercial break even! That never happens during a commercial break! MIKE: Except for- [Mads' light flashes] Oh, the Super Friends are calling. What? [Mobius. Outside amidst the village. Periodically, a Mobian will run by shouting something. Observer takes center-screen.] OBSERVER: Mike! Robots! Something terrible has happened! SONIC: [Running by] Way past! Way past! Way past! Way past! Way past! [SOL] TOM: What? [Mobius] OBSERVER: You see, the planetary alignment is just right, and now everyone on this blasted world can't help but spew their catch phrase! BUNNIE: [Running by] Sugah! Sugah! Sugah! Sugah! Sugah! Sugah! Sugah! [SOL] TOM: So why aren't you affected, eh? [Mobius] OBSERVER: Do you really believe me to be that shallow? T-BONE: [Running by] WESTSIDE! WESTSIDE! WESTSIDE! WESTSIDE! WESTSIDE! OBSERVER: And frankly this is just driving me bonkers. SONIC: [(Again) running by] Do it to it! Do it to it! Do it to it! Do it to it! Do it to it! Do it to it! OBSERVER: Especially the blue one that's nothing *but* catch-phrases. ANTOINE: [Running by] Sacré bleu cheese! Sacré bleu cheese! Sacré bleu cheese! Sacré bleu cheese! Sacré bleu cheese! [SOL] TOM: Well, it's not like we'd be that shallow either. Why, we're more three- dimensional than- MIKE: MOVIE SIGN! TOM: No, Mike, we don't- CROW: Bite me! MIKE: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Oh no! GYPSY: [Rushing in] Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! MIKE: We'll be right back. CROW: [Random sexual comment] MIKE: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH! [Mobius] OBSERVER: You think *you've* got it bad. [Pearl and Bobo run by, Pearl in uncontrollable evil laughter.] BOBO: Lawgiver! Lawgiver! Lawgiver! Lawgiver! Lawgiver! Lawgiver! Lawgiver! OBSERVER: I've got a headache this big. PEARL: Nelstink! Nelburger! Nelsonic! Nelstone! Nelsoneddie! Nelstupid! BOBO: [Random monkey sounds for no reason.] [SOL] GYPSY: Richard? MIKE: Movie. GYPSY: Base. Hart. MIKE: Sign... CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Bite me! It's fun! Bite me! TOM: Brainy, isn't there anything we can do? It's like I'm stuck in a Dr. Thinker MSTing up here! MIKE: Crow!!!!!!! [Mobius] OBSERVER: Nope, sorry. All we can do is wait it out. SONIC: [Running by] Jelly and jam time! Rock 'n roller time! Up, over and gone! Yeeha! OBSERVER: [Pause] ...The hell? Anyway, the perfect planetary alignment should dwindle in a couple of minutes. If everyone is cliché then it's their own fault. By the way, Pearl wanted me to send you this double-length fanfic before she vapor-locked. It's called "Chaos Race" for some particular reason and is written by a couple authors you should know and love. DAVEY: [Running by] Phrack! Phrackin' A! Phrack you! Phrack this! Phrack it! OBSERVER: Believe me, you have my pity for this whole stupid situation. SONIC: [Rushing in-screen] Juice time! Motor time! [Observer holds out his fist as Sonic runs into it.] SONIC: Ring t- oof! OBSERVER: Enjoy. [SOL] [Tom is banging his head on the counter repeatedly.] MIKE: We'll be right back. GYPSY: Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! CROW: Sex! MIKE: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GYPSY: Richard Basehart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Bite me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Alarms] ALL: FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Shunk...6...5...4...3...2...safe...] [Tom whimpers as Mike carries him in. Crow follows behind.] MIKE: It's okay. I'm back. TOM: I know. MIKE: D'ohhhh. CROW: Hehehe. >As the sun rose over the disaster zone that was Robotropolis, a single ray of >light somehow penetrated the smog that shrouded the once proud city. MIKE: Santa's coming down from heaven to make it all better! > It struck >a tiny flower TOM: Your Honor, we contend that said ray did strike my client, the flower. > that had been hidden for years, easing it out of its cocoon with >the promise of new life. CROW: Wouldn't the plant be dead if it hadn't gotten any light for years? > The plant slowly, almost cautiously, unfurled its >leaves to catch the wisp of sunlight. Gradually, it began gathering energy to >launch its long dormant seeds, intending to spread them all over the city... TOM: Is that supposed to be symbolic? > >...only to be hit by a stray laser shot from a hoverbot, which burnt the flower >to ashes as Sonic raced by. > >"Aw, man. I was hopin' to pick that for Sally. Now I'm really mad." MIKE: I was saving that laser blast for later! > Sonic >turned down a dead end, leapt up, jumped off the alley wall, CROW: Shouldn't he be slamming some Dew right about now? > and buzzsawed >through his pursuer. The hoverbot crashed into the wall while Sonic ran off, >rounding a corner just in time to miss seeing the sunlight vanish. > >Tails was waiting in the junkyard, lowering a set of binoculars from his eyes >as Sonic ran up. "Did you get it?" MIKE: [Whiny] I don't get it. > >"I got it." Sonic brandished a plastic card in his fist. CROW: "Here's Knuckles' credit card. Let's go shopping!" > "One Identicard, TOM: Oh, great, Syntho-Flavo-Blah all over again. > good >for all the synthesized food we can MIKE: [Sonic] Stuff in our cheeks. > carry away. TOM: So they're risking their lives for cafeteria macaroni and cheese? > Just in time, too...I'm getting >tired of nothin' but CROW: [Sonic] Cannibalism. > salads. MIKE: That darned healthy eating will be the death of us! > So, anything happen here?" > >"Not much. You missed a great sunrise, and the start of an eslip." TOM: Aw, no, Dolly from the Family Circus is visiting this fanfic! > >"You mean eclipse? CROW: [Tails] No, I mean a slip. Sally was taking her's o- MIKE: [Sonic] Alright, gimme those binoculars! > There ain't supposed to be one of those anytime soon." > >"Well, one happened." Tails handed his binoculars to Sonic. "See for >yourself." CROW: [Sonic] Duh. I can't see it if it's already over. I'm not THAT fast. > >Sonic took the proffered vision aid TOM: Sounds kinda like Piers Anthony. > and looked through it. "That's no eclipse, >Tails." MIKE: That's my wife! TOM: [Simultaneously] That's a space station! [Mike and Tom look at each other for a moment.] > His voice took on a note of worry as he saw what was sillhouted against >the sun. "That's the Floating Island." > >"Where Knuckles lives? What's it doing here?" CROW: Looking for his credit card. > >"Good question. MIKE: [Tails] Which one? I asked two. > Maybe Sal will know." CROW: Sure. The heroes of the series have no idea what the Floating Island's doing there but a supporting member of the cast will. > >They sped off in unison back to Knothole. TOM: Oh, great. "Tails headed back to Knothole." > >****** MIKE: So call your local cable operator and tell them "I wanna see Starz!" > >Chaos Race > >Part 1: TOM: The Crap Begins. > Chaos CROW: Race. MIKE: As previously mentioned. > >Written by: Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi CROW: Aack! Not them *again*! TOM: I thought I recognized that scene break! > >[Legal disclaimer: > >This story is based on characters created by SEGA and Archie Comic Publications, MIKE: Uh-huh... >Inc., and Commander Packbell by David Pistone. Permission is granted to freely MIKE: Yup... >distribute this story, so long as: MIKE: Sure... >a: no recompense of financial value is received or given by the person who MIKE: Great... >distributes the story, and MIKE: Whatever... >b: the distributed copy is identical to the story as originally authored. MIKE: Lovely... >In other words, don't sell it, and don't alter it. MIKE: Why didn't you just say that in the first place?? > >Copyright (c) 1996, CROW: "Copyright copyright 1996"? > all rights reserved, et cetera.] > >****** > >"Sally!" Sonic burst in through the door just ahead of Tails. The noise of TOM: His tail followed seconds later. >their entrance was enough to wake the Princess, who did not look pleased. MIKE: [Sally] Eek! Boys! > >"Do you two know what time it is? The sun isn't even up." CROW: You'll wake him! > >"It is too up." TOM: [whiny Sally] Is not. CROW: [whiny Sonic] Is too. > >Sally started to respond, but decided it was too early to argue with Sonic. MIKE: Not a very good remake of "The Taming of the Shrew," is it? >"Then why is it so dark?" TOM: It's too early to argue, but she will, anyway. > >"'Cause the Floating Island's blockin' the sunlight." > >"Sonic, Knuckles would never be crazy enough to move it this close to >Robotropolis." CROW: Except in this story. > >"He is now." Sonic offered the binoculars to Sally. "Check it out." MIKE: [Sally] They're binoculars. So? > >Sally took the binocs, walked over to the window, and looked to where the sun >was. With just her naked eyes, she could make out something large in the air >between her and Mobius's star. CROW: So, NASA hired Rush Limbaugh? > She almost dropped the binoculars out of shock >when she used them. TOM: "The -- he's *mooning* us!" > "Wake the others. I have a bad feeling about this." > >As Sonic and Tails raced to comply, Sally muttered to herself, "What is that >echnida doing here?" MIKE: He's bringing you a spell-checker, hopefully. CROW: *Still* can't spell "echidna". > >****** > >Deep in the bowels TOM: Ew! CROW: That is *not* a good way to start out a new scene. > of Robotropolis, Packbell monitored a live satellite video >feed. Most of the picture looked as it had for years; MIKE: Uh, Packbell, you forgot to hit the "Refresh" button. > almost all of the damage >that the Freedom Fighters had inflicted was mercifully hidden by the smog, CROW: [Packbell] I can't see it, so it's okay. > and >very little else in the satellite's field of view had changed much since the >coup. TOM: De grace. > The most recent significant change was the circular top CROW: Packbell spun while waiting for something to happen. > of the Floating >Island, which seemed to crawl across the screen at a snail's pace. MIKE: See, that's El Niño's fault too. > A data box CROW: Do you have Data box? Well, you better let him out, then! Ha ha ha! >superimposed on the video showed that the island's speed was actually 20 >kilometers per hour, which was a decent clip for something that large. > >From a ventilation shaft TOM: Can ya dig it? > behind Packbell, Snively watched the same image. That >was not all he was watching, for a robot that he had reprogrammed had just >entered the room. > >Packbell turned towards the diminuitive servicebot, curious. "Why are you >here?" CROW: See, when a mommy servicebot and a daddy servicebot love each other very much... > >"REQUEST CLARIFICATION REGARDING REASON FOR NOT ATTACKING FLOATING ISLAND." MIKE: [Packbell] "Denied!" TOM: [servicebot] "Request explanation of denial." MIKE: [Packbell] "Denied!" TOM: [servicebot] "Request explanation of denial..." > >"You can't figure it out? CROW: "You're no Summer Sanders." > Ok, I'll tell you. That island is headed directly >for Robotropolis." TOM: "It's made of robyptonite! It'll destroy our enemy, Superhedgehog!" > >"LOGIC INDICATES TERMINATION OF POTENTIAL THREAT BEFORE IT CAN LAND ON >ROBOTROPOLIS BASE IS DESIRABLE." ALL: Oww! CROW: Why do machines scream in this world? > >"I will terminate it. But I want it as close to us as possible when we shoot it >down, to make it difficult for those Freedom Fighters to harrass my workerbots TOM: "Keep mooning them and giving them Wet Willies and wedgies." >while they salvage the island's wreckage. And now I have a question: why did >you bother me about this? You are not programmed to ask such things." MIKE: How *dare* you try to anticipate upcoming orders! > >The servicebot made no reply. TOM: [servicebot] Uhh... 42? > >"I see." Faster than Snively could perceive, Packbell whipped out a laser rifle MIKE: [servicebot] Uh, sir, before you do that, I just want to tell you that I found the location of-- >and scrapped the 'bot. "You're fired." MIKE: [servicebot] Oh, well, never mind. > >Snively frowned at the waste of a robot, CROW: [Snively] Yick. Robot waste. > but balanced that with the knowledge >that it had served its purpose in extracting Packbell's plan. > >"But the real question," Packbell mused out loud, "is what that echinda is >doing here." TOM: Oh, look, a *new* spelling for "echidna". > >****** > >"Mon, MIKE: Dieu! > will somebody remind me what I am doing here?" > >"Filling a promise to someone who saved your hide." TOM: How do you fill a promise? MIKE: Maybe a promise is one of those really obscure English units that nobody uses, like a dram or a slug. CROW: Yeah, I think there are sixteen pennyweights in a promise. > >Knuckles glared at the responder, then reminded himself that what she said was >true. Amy Rose had saved his life when his attempt to buy some supplies had >turned into an ambush. CROW: Is that the same Rose that got clobbered earlier? MIKE: That was a generic flower. > If she weren't so sweet, Knuckles knew he would blame >her for the surprise. As it was, he was suspicious of her just happening to be >in the right place at the right time. "A promise to take you to Knothole. >Which is the only reason I let you up here. But what I still don' understand, >girl, is why? TOM: A daring story technique in which nobody has any reason for being where they are, or doing what they're doing. > If you got somethin' at Knothole, couldn't you just walk? CROW: "Sure, let me walk down the Floating Island to Knothole." TOM: Idiot. > Or >stay there?" > >Amy Rose stared off into the Great Forest, searching for any disturbance that >could mark the Freedom Fighters' base. "It's been so long since I was there, I >don't remember where it is anymore." TOM: [Knuckles] Neider do I, girl, so we're in big trouble. > >"So, why'd you leave? What's changed since you left, that you wanna go back >now?" > >"Sonic." > >"That hedgehog? MIKE: "No, the walnut. OF COURSE I mean the hedgehog!" > What you want with him?" > >Amy's face hardened into a look of cold determination. "I want him. CROW: Whoa! Hormonal for a 10-year-old! TOM: Hey, wait, I thought Amy was sweet on Tails! MIKE: I think this is a prequel. > Princess >Acorn stole his heart, CROW: Ick, just like in "The Temple of Doom." > but with Robotnik out of the way, she'll be too busy >running things to keep me from stealing it back. TOM: Man, she sounds-- MIKE: Don't say it. TOM: She sounds just like-- MIKE: I'm warning you. TOM: She sounds like a-- MIKE: Stop right there! TOM: Like a hedgehog Marrissa! CROW: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! > And that is exactly what I >intend to do." > >"Riight. Sure you will." > >"What is that supposed to mean?" > >"Umm...err..." CROW: Oh, that explains it. > Knuckles paused as the Chaos Emeralds, which he was >telepathically linked to by virtue of being their guardian, TOM: So he mind melds with a rock. That's about the gist of it. > signalled that he >was slightly off course. MIKE: And the rocks are smarter than him. > "Hang on, course change." CROW: "Port 30 degrees. Arrhh, matey!" > The island shuddered a bit >as the emeralds, at Knuckles' command, altered the island's direction so that it >was headed for Knothole instead of for Robotropolis. > >****** > >Packbell was not happy when he heard the status update. "What do you mean, it >changed course?" > >"DIRECTIONAL SHIFT CONFIRMED. FLOATING ISLAND NO LONGER HEADED FOR >ROBOTROPOLIS." TOM: [Packbell] Hey, didn't I just blow you up? > >"It looks like I'll have to use my backup plan, then. MIKE: Dur-hey! > Prepare the image seeking >missiles; we'll have to take the island intact." CROW: We want it in one piece! Blow it up! > >In the shaft, TOM: Can ya dig it? > Snively quickly recalculated, updating his own plans. > >****** > >Knuckles hefted a backpack in his arms as the island slowed to a stop. "There. >Knothole is directly below us." > >"How am I going to get down? You locked away the rope ladder we used to get >up." CROW: "We're going to drop a glass filled with water just before you jump off." > Amy kneeled on the edge of the island, unable to see any distinguishing >marks in the forest canopy just below the island's bottom. > >"Put this on." Knuckles MIKE: Said handing her a clown wig. > handed the pack to Amy. > >"Ok..." Amy strapped it to her front, out of fear that the spiky quills along >her back would puncture it. TOM: So now the chute will just whap her face off. > >Knuckles put her hand on a handle attached to the pack's straps. "Pull this if >you want to live." MIKE: In other words, don't touch it. > >"Huh? Why?" > >"'Cause now, you will..." Knuckles lifted Amy over his head. "...GET OFF MY >ISLAND!" He threw her over the side. TOM: Hm. I think he has some issues here. MIKE: [Knuckles] Now, where is my camping equipment? CROW: [Amy] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... > >Amy had enough presence of mind to pull the handle, which deployed the parachute >that she had just put on. > >****** > >"Well, that explains it." Sonic was staring upwards through the binocs, where >he saw something being dropped MIKE: [Knuckles] Oh, crap. My shoe. > on Knothole with a parachute. > >"What?" CROW: "I have only one huge, weirdly shaped eye with two pupils." > Sally gazed upwards, but could only see a vague movement at the >island's edge. > >"Floating Island express. TOM: When it absolutely, positively has to be delivered at half the speed of crawling. > Looks like Knucks wanted to make a delivery. I just >hope Packbell doesn't take the hint and look for Knothole here." TOM: Nah, that'd be... oh, what's the word? MIKE: Intelligent? TOM: Yeah, that's it. > >"So what did he drop?" CROW: A log. > >"I can't tell, it's too far away. Tails, could you escort whatever it is away >from us, just in case? Sal and I will meet you where you land." > >"Sure thing." Tails flew straight up as fast as he could. TOM: {BONK} MIKE: "We're inside, silly." TOM: "D'oh." > >****** > >After tumbling around for a bit, CROW: She broke every bone in her flippin' body. > Amy resigned herself to drifting on her back >for the rest of her flight. She started to daydream as she floated, which >stopped her from hearing a familiar whirring, TOM: And got ground to hamburger by a helicopter prop. > or from noticing that she was >being pushed away from straight down. Amy did notice when Tails put his face in >hers. MIKE: "BOOGA BOOGA!" > >"Amy? Are you alright?" > >"Tails?" She spent a few seconds waking from her daydream, then hugged Tails >fiercely. "Tails! It's been so long..." CROW: This reminds me of Marrissa and Jay... [pause] ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! > >"Eew! Lemme go!" Tails struggled to get out of the female hedgehog's embrace. > >Amy did as asked, then saw Tails brushing himself off. "What's the matter?" > >"You put girl cooties on me." > >Amy giggled, TOM: "Hehe. Sexist pig." > then craned her neck to see downwards. CROW: What neck? > "Is Sonic here?" > >"Yeah. He-" > >Amy interrupted Tails by taking off her parachute. MIKE: It's just slowing her down. > "I can't wait to meet him." >She let it go, and dropped like a rock. CROW: So when's she going to meet up with Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse and Eddie Valiant? MIKE: Tails didn't dare save her; he was afraid of cooties. TOM: {Splut} > >Tails flew down, faster than she fell, and caught her. "Can you at least wait >'til we're on the ground?" > >She looked back up at Tails, and smiled mischeviously. "Hurry it up then, or >I'll kiss you." > >"Do it and I drop you right now." > >"You can't drop me if..." Amy threw her arms around Tails again. MIKE: "...I've got your wallet." > "...I'm >hugging you." > >Tails sped towards the ground as if his life depended on it. TOM: But couldn't slow down fast enough to prevent them from smashing against the ground like a pair of overripe melons. > >****** TOM: And there are their remains right now.